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[Master Uploader]

There was a question in our company newsletter asking about whether they could water the flowers in the bathrooms since they were looking wilted and sick. The response was "The flowers are artificial." [Editor’s note: Evidently some employee created a restroom gas cloud powerful enough to wilt artificial plants. You have to admire that on some level.]

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Our health teacher told us that "1 out of 3 people who start smoking will eventually die." The other two apparently became immortal.

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So a few friends and I were at a museum, and they had this wall of analog clocks with a city name written under each one, showing what time it was around the world. We had about ten clocks in view, when my friend looks at a clock, looks at his watch, looks at the clock again, and says, “Well, this one’s pretty close, but all the others are way off.”

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One week, we had the Land O' Lakes brand of cheese on sale and a customer came, and asked for one pound of store brand cheese. Trying to be helpful, I told her that we had the Land O' Lakes cheese on sale for cheaper. She asked me what the difference was, and I told her that Land O' Lakes was better. Her response: "I'll take a pound of the [store] cheese."

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We were interviewing a new recruit and the owner of the company made this statement during the interview: "I believe people are more fragile than eggs, and if it were up to me, I would rather play with my eggs." It took quite a bit of restraint not to burst out in hysterical fits of laughter.

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While working for a leather company, we were chatting in the lab about food.

One of the other lab technicians pondered aloud, "I wonder why you never get the skin on beef?"

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Every time my husband gets a new temp assignment, he gets a new security badge. The temp stands against the wall and the camera – generally in a fixed position – snaps the ID photo. My husband uses a wheelchair. So his security picture features the blank wall above his head.

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On a canal boating holiday, the boat had a shower, with a stirrup pump that pumped excess water through the side of the hull.

A friend (an engineer) asked “Why didn't they put the hole in the bottom of the boat?”

I'm NOT going to go on HIS boat!!!!!

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I went to a local pizza restaurant and asked about the difference between a large and a medium pizza. The Induhvidual told me the large pizza had 10 slices and the medium had 8 slices. I told her to take one of the large pizzas, cut it into 8 slices, and I would pay for a medium. She just stared at me like I had asked her a question about Euclidian Geometry.

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I went into my local bookstore and explained I needed Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler for a politics essay, the woman behind the desk said "Is it a new release?"

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In the interview, which had been going very well up to this point, the interviewer asked, "Why do you want to leave your current job?" In my Induhvidual moment, I responded "It's too much work." Needless to say I didn't get any further consideration.

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A few of us were talking about fighter planes and one of my friends asked, "If a plane is going faster than the speed of a bullet when it fires, does the bullet come out the back of the plane?" We were all surprised when he failed out of the engineering program the following semester.

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I was paying my cell phone bill with a debit card. The Induhvidual behind the counter carefully checked my signature with the one on the card. I guess that’s to prevent people from stealing wallets and going around paying the victim’s bills.

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